1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
