I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
