Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
