if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
