Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
