we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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