I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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