Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
