Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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