Banned from zoo.
Again?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
