3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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