You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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