Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
