It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
