Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
