dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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