What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
