Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
