life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize