They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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