I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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