new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize