WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
