I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
