Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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