Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
