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You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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