New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize