just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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