there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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