I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
