someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
