im having a threesome with these popsicles
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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