i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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