I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
