I want to stick my p in your. b.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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