TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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