I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
