Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
