im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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