After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
