I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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