also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
