i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
