Don't make out with my wife yet
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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