I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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