i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Less talking, more tequila
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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