Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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