was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
