i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
