You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
