he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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