Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
