apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
