Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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