i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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