I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
