I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i think my cat just said my name.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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