sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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