Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
