isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I'm really busy with my period
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