i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize