pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
