Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize