Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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