It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
