Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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