just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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