even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
