the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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