Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
