Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will be naked everywhere
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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