Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
