i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize