K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
