Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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