I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
