My Higher Power is John Stamos
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
