I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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