I can't breathe out the right side of my face
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My feet surprised me
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