Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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