I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize