I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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