I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
