Don't EVER smell your tampon
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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