you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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