last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
