I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
