Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
