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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
