I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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