I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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