My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
