Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
