why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize