You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
