its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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