god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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