Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
