last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
