Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
