I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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