You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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