i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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